Near Death Experience

No need to be over dramatic. I was sick last week. Sicker than a dog actually. I have no recollection of being so sick for at least a decade or two. In fact, the last 3 years of practicing yoga on a daily basis kept me healthy as a bull. So what happened?

Last Friday was relentlessly hazy. I was in the TLV Farmers’ Market and by the end of the day had a slight sting at the top of my lungs. Nothing a glass of vodka couldn’t fix. The following day I passed out and couldn’t get out of bed for 3 more days. Hosting an alien predator in my system, I observed it growling through my system… yummy.

When the crash was finally gone, the toxin cleansing began. For two nights I couldn’t sleep, experiencing the most agonizing muscle cramps, and my nervous system was in hysterics. Ahh… sleepless nights drenched with terrorized howls and shivers, so romantic. Who knows what the neighbors thought was happening in my bedroom during that full moon!
 

As the sickness receded I realized that my mind is out of control. Voices that haven’t frequented me ever since the last time I was that sick (a decade or two ago!) reigned upon me like wild hawks! The most un-soothing fact became clear - all these voices were constantly responding to a variety of negative, aggressively intruding, suffering remarks, which I hear all day outside my window. You have no idea how these voices made me miss Canada. But all this missing was just wasted thought.

In the blue collar suburb where I live for the past 7 months, I see mostly painful faces of compromising simplicity. Many people are nice, but I see no evolution. And no one knows. Not even those who aren’t a part of this obnoxiously simple-minded lifestyle. I am the one who’s in a bubble. They are normal.

Can you for just one moment try to imagine a clean slate: a reality where the vast majority of people actually make an effort to not make others uncomfortable? Where people talk politely and give way to each other as a rule? When I lived in Canada, my dominant thought was – how sweet people can be – can you imagine how healthy that is? Now, go back to the suburban reality I described earlier and tell me what is normal.

Outside my window, I see parents dropping their kids off at kindergarten each day, content. The parents are about my age but they look a decade older. Is that the dream coming true, of building a home for the Chosen People in the Holy Land? Most people I see look like they operate by a destructive program no one ever questions. Good for them. Some things are better left un-questioned, eh?

We all live inside a bubble, no matter where we live. But once in a while it's recommended to measure what this bubble does to you and to your environment. Know what, in addition to all the religious holidays that thicken self-righteousness, why not start up a new holiday that questions the bubble? That says – we’re probably not all that right! Can we re-invent ourselves as a people? As individuals? As the whole of mankind?

Even if one can’t imagine a reality different than what he was brought up to believe is true, even if one can’t wish for anything better than what’s around him, for god’s sake please stop penetrating every green spot with your wool-gathering bullying! I know that life in North America is not all sweet and beautiful, but as long as people don’t act, sound and look like trolls, they pass in my book.

But then, then I realized what got me sick – it wasn’t the city or the country – it’s the fact that ever since I moved into this suburban town, there wasn’t even one new and exciting addition into my life! I’m mentally crumbling and it's emptying the guts out of my crying soul.

Starting next week, I’m joining meetup groups and looking into the local music scene. I’ll keep you updated. Besides, during those days of sickness I found myself missing some very few, very special people. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, you genius, beautiful, unique, sticky buds who became such good friends of mine throughout the years. It’s not easy to stay in touch when everyone’s so far away.

And you, dear readers, until the next time – keep it hanging the right way, eh?

The Domino Effect

You know how sometimes one action leads to a whole chain of unrelated events? Well, I’m beginning to see the light again, and it all started by taking the one action I tried most to avoid – taking a part-time day job at a small neighborhood café, which I hated.

The first step, which was handing out service-industry resumes was the hardest. Excuse me, in fact, starting to work for minimum wage in a place I didn’t feel one bit of affinity towards, that was the hardest. For more than a month I was clinically depressed. Then, the dominoes began to fall.

After a few weeks in the café I could fake a smile again. I put a complete halt on sending out professional resumes for writing-industry jobs. During the past year I wasn’t making enough for my basic survival needs, and I needed a change of tactics.

A friend connected me to a guy who makes passion-fruit liqueur in a farm up north. It turned out to be a delicious, award-winning drink! I started setting up a booth in farmers’ markets and country fairs one or two days a week, and to sell his liqueur. Without any boss to answer to, yapping with people who are on their day out, it turned out to be a lot of fun and highly profitable!

As much as I hated working in the café, I kept both jobs for a few more weeks. I had responsibilities – bills, expenses, student loans, you name it. Then one morning, the café manager lost his temper. It didn’t aggravate me, but I saw an opportunity and took it. I walked through that door and never looked back.

Working two days a week in that passion-fruit liqueur booth, left me plenty of time to work on my short stories and screenplays, to do yoga, to run errands etc. Just as I lost all hope for making a living out of writing, at least till I can sell a book or some Hollywood hit, just as I began acknowledging the liberating sensation only money can bring to those who truly need it, something wonderful happened.

My booth had a spot in a prestigious wine exhibition, abundant with media and culinary writers. I printed out business cards – a step I kept postponing for a whole year! – and did some networking. A writer I met forwarded my info to a director. After another week or two, business came in! I was hired to write a high-end orientation video!

In the wine exhibition I also felt open enough to ask for girls’ phone numbers again, after 2 months of literally keeping women “safe” from my depressing presence. You know those times you feel too down to talk to anyone? Well, this small step of asking a few girls for their phone number was a life changing event.

One thing leads to another. The domino effect. Taking the first step for the sake of survival, the second for the sake of living, and getting much further than you could originally see. Going through a wall of self-doubts, breaking through on the other side, a new, stronger person.

Meanwhile, I got another gig! Writing the content for a new website – the passion-fruit liqueur website!

I’m beginning to see the light again. In a couple of months my life will finally get on the track I’ve been longing for so dearly for so long. I already brought the subject up with a friend - moving into a TLV apartment. The friend is a 2D animator who will make a wonderful roommate and probably be in collaborating on some work too.

As one thing leads to another, I find myself going with the current again. And finally, in the direction I wish to go.     

Quality in Writing

People get in to writing for love of the written word. You can create a new universe with words, or shine a new light on the one you're already in. That's why people start. But after you're done studying and honing your talents, after you hit the ground running and try to BE a writer, you find that's not necessarily how you put bread on the table. 

Writing is not what it’s all about. If you want to make it, you need a sparkling website. Intriguing tweets. A well-erected virtual presence for the world to see and marvel. Like's and Share's. A red carpet shining underneath your feet at all times, even right now at this very instant.

Which qualities make a strong online presence nowadays? A picture of a fertile young female or a kitten gross more page-views than an award winning article about the environment. A video of a guy committing suicide immediately goes viral. So much for quality.

Yet, there’s a market for each voice. Did you know for example, that classical music today is 80% sponsored by donations? Some people consider classical music to be the top of the art-form. Still, only a tiny portion of profits come from ticket sales and CD's.  

 

Blogs are often a sellout as well. Give them what they want. Get more followers. This blog is a bit different. Here, I tell my story without consideration of public opinion. I was actually quite shocked to find out that hundreds of people read it each month. So… hey. Shalom.

With a little luck or with enough practice, artists usually find cracks of freedom to make something meaningful, while still paying for the kids’ school. Not that I have any kids, but probably someday.

Investing vast proportions of time in building an online presence is inevitable, especially at the beginning of your career. Some of us are lucky enough to love what we do. For me, writing helps to illuminate the dirty bricks on the sidewalks, and to make way for new roads to come.

There’s not necessarily much in common between how good a writer is and how well his career goes. What kicks a career off is how good of a networker the person is. Obviously, that’s a whole different set of skills. 

In next week's article I'll bring the story of the past couple of months in my rocky writing career in this beautiful land of Israel. One year after returning from 6 years in North America.

What I write in my own time has never yet been published in vast proportions. Putting written work out there is a job of its own; an alien avocation for most of us word-wallowers. Just like everything else, the first steps are always the hardest. Either you make it public, or you don’t.

Not a Sad Story

So what if I’m not the first person who doesn’t make a living out of his passion in life on the first years of his career? So what if I have to flow between day-jobs that have nothing to do with my chosen occupation? This comes to set-off some steam. Someday, perhaps I’ll get to a place I feel proud of. Meanwhile, I'll keep you up to date on my experience of re-integrating in Israel, the country in which I was born.

Rejection blows in my face time after time after time when it comes to being a writer. So what if hardly any job I apply to gets back to me. The market is flooded. So what. Those who do call me back keep me all the way to the final interview, then choose another applicant with the most vast experience. Time after time they tell me the same thing. Then, personally and professionally impressed, they tell me that I’m doing an amazing job, and good luck. So what. 

It’s been a whole year since I moved back to Israel from North America. I was happy there. I actually made a living as a writer-producer there. I didn’t choose to leave - my visa ended. But I now choose to stay - in Israel. So what if I’m sometimes depressed and disgruntled by my very image in the mirror. So what. I know I’ve got something good inside. I know I’ve got a strong, positive truth, and this truth is abundantly appreciated and loved by just the right people. So what if sometimes I don’t love those people, not even if they're my family and friends; it’s understandable at times I don’t love myself. 

Moshe Parnes is a strong and capable person. I feel it, I know it and people say it all the time. So what. As I spit blood to make ends meet in this country, being capable and talented matters none. No wonder everyone in this damned land wants to live in couples – it’s so damn awful to stand here alone, while the prevailing mentality is overly geared around patronizing and taking without giving. Unfortunately, the prevailing mentality can’t see it. They don’t know. So what if the only thing I can squeeze out of my head and in to this blog over the last few months is a bitching hawk’s scream. So I don’t post many articles. But you know what, screw it. I post. 

I post and I become just like everyone else in this damned land – bitching and compromising and honestly, miserable. In a week or two or five I’ll accept this situation a bit better, and again become happy with it; I am grateful. After all, in many countries in the world people don’t have roofs over their heads, not to mention healthy food, drinking water and a system where the strong and capable can climb up. One may gesture - what about those who don’t like to snarl? What about those who stick to old, naïve beliefs of peace and love? Again comes the indifferent voice - so what. 

The 60s were never my thing. They were extinct way before I was born. The only places in the world where some sparks of 60s spirit can still exist are where most people’s greatest dilemma revolves around what to do in the weekend – swim in the lake, watch football, learn something new and exciting, do a hobby they love. I feel grateful for the simple fact that this reality still exists somewhere in the world. Hopefully it will keep existing for many, many centuries to come, and hopefully not at the expense of others. 

A happy and comfortable lifestyle is the only one I will let myself envision, and it’s not always an easy task. But that’s just how I see things after living in North America for 6 years. If I have to go through another year or three of grinding dirt, I will. But I will bring this happiness and comfort to wherever I am, even here. What’s the point of giving up anyway.

Rollin’ On Jobs

Another week passes by, and another month, and I do all I can to find a stable job in this “new-old” country of mine (“new” for the way things are today, “old” for my memories of past, before I left). Could the train have passed me by? No way! New trains keep on rollin’ into the station all the time! I’ll get on the right one, just in time.

In a marketing workshop I once heard the following allegory: when you're driving across the country, you see only as far as your eyes let you or as far as the head-lights of the car reach. You don’t know what’s beyond the limited vision, but you keep on driving. Most likely there are roads ahead and you know where they lead.

Over the Last few weeks, I've circulated dozens of resumes for a variety of writing day jobs. A few people responded, but it’s a saturated market. Too many local professionals offer the very same services as I do – writing, translating, transcripting; most of them have local education and local portfolio. Many get jobs through teachers and friends. As someone new in the market, what’s the best way to break in without an end of a thread? Making new threads.

                                                                                                    

As a freelance who starts from scratch in a new country, your first employer or first clients could be a professional breakthrough. They may go by their gut feeling and hire you without local experience, but that’s all you need on your resume. I made a few good professional contacts and kept in good terms with them. But it’s not enough. Creating a solid circle of clients can be a long process, especially in a small market like Israel. Does everyone go through the same process?

I had coffee with a journalist friend last week. He told me I’m doing great just by making ends meet for now. He gave me the example of a highly skilled professional he knows, who came back to Israel after years of a great career in Germany. It took the guy 18 months to find his first job here. I've spoken with budding professionals in my field, and most of them told me they got their first job through teachers and networking circles they made at school here.

I listen carefully to what people tell me and to my varied thoughts. One day we see things in a certain way, the other day we see them completely differently. The road goes on for miles and we can only see so far. Keeping on rollin’ toward the unknown makes us stronger. Does the train I’m on head toward any specific destination? I don’t know. Perhaps I’m already there.

I am truly grateful for going through this re-integration phase. Some may call it challenging, I call it life. I don’t feel challenged, but infused with persistence. The real challenge is to let go of the thought that what we go through now is who we are in general. Remembering how limited is our view is liberating. Just keep eyes on the road and look as far as you can see, and be grateful that it’s a road you chose.

Back on the Saddle

Hi all!

Six months have passed since I last posted in this blog. I took a look at the pageviews this week and found out there’s been a constant increase in traffic. So why not keeping up the updates? Any comment or communication from the readers is welcome.

Background in a nutshell: My name is Moshe Parnes. I’m a writer. Mother tongue – Hebrew; acquired tongue – English. I grew up in Israel, left in 2006 to the wonderful West Coast of North America. In December 2012 I returned to Israel from Vancouver BC. Previous articles go through highlights of the first few months of landing. Shifts and turns have been taking place since, and this post is to fill you in on main ones.

My re-Integration.

I held on to the North American positivity as long as I could. However, the harshness of the Middle East cannot slip the eye forever. Did you hear that I said North American positivity? If only people knew how good their reality is, they would never complain again. It’s always easy look deeper into the culture we grew up in and critique it. New cultures can seem like a safe haven. The truth is that anywhere we go we’re facing the same challenges. Reaching our actual goals is a matter of time, practice and persistency, not the land or the culture we live in.

Stability is a key word, especially as a freelance. Persistency becomes the result, as the amount of money we make turns into the byproduct. I choose to believe that life takes care of our basic needs. The rest is up to us. We don’t need much but we may want a lot.

The cultural definition for peace in the Middle East is not what we’re used to in North America. Now, I don’t mean peace between people or countries, I mean peace of mind. Most people in North America have no idea how good the daily problems are compared to other places in the world. Anywhere you go there are problems, social plagues, emptiness; but the path of worriless happiness is easier to take in some places than in others. At the same time, happiness can be defined differently in each culture, so it’s an individual point of view with many perspectives.

On the street, smoking cigarettes is a common norm in Israel. If you’re not a smoker and you want to breathe clean air, you're the one to step aside. By now I've got used to it, but it took a few months. Driving is a concert of honking without a reason. There’s always someone in a rush. There are always people who want to make others as uncomfortable as they are. Voices on the street are loud and the tones may sound aggressive. It is what it is and it doesn’t mean people are angry; it’s simply the way they speak. Culture.

“That’s life” and “Nothing to do” are common phrases. I personally can’t get how any culture uses these phrases as mottos. Conversations often revolve around rightness and complaining; an opposite of the North American smiling culture, which too many people in the world tag as phony, but I see as pleasant and beautiful. Tourists may find these cultural differences amusing, but when you live them on a daily basis your whole life with no option to break free, you slowly become a part of it. If you’re lucky, you keep yourself from becoming it.

Career: I gave myself two months to start working after I moved back. In 7 weeks I got my first project as a screenwriter in a sociopolitical documentary that will be screened at the end of next month. Updates will be posted. A couple of months later, I got my first big TV project that kept me going for a while. Obviously, I took several other projects at the same time as well. So working like a maniac, 7 A.M. till late at night, cultivating some sleep and extensive yoga practice into it all, I miraculously made ends meet. Yet now, almost 10 months in, I’m still on survival mode even though people tell me all the time that I’m doing great. I am grateful either way.

Accommodation: some people are awesome. Please credit the Middle East with having a big wide heart. The way I’ve been accommodating though the past 6 months is being a home-care provider for pets, whose owners are abroad or are too busy to take care of them. I mostly work from home so it’s an ideal arrangement. The pets’ owners and I have no previous acquaintance, but they trust me with their home and with their best friends, and I’m happy to prove them right. This circle of trust has been a spark of hope in my life during some dark months of confusion and job hunt.

Health: Back in Vancouver I became addicted to yoga and healthy living. I saw how it changed my mind, body and soul, and I still see it every day that passes. I used to volunteer in one of Vancouver’s most prestigious studios, Yyoga. It’s been hard to meet the same standards in Israel and during the first 6 months I’ve been practicing alone on a daily basis. Finally, on July I found a new yoga studio in Tel Aviv, Prana Yoga College, which supports my practice - yoga as meditation in movement, and not as a workout. Each day I go to class. It’s a reason for me to get out of the house and meet people, which is a very important.

Conclusions: It takes time to settle down in a new country, even if it’s the country you grew up in. Patience, persistency, positivity and securing your inner-peace, keeps you on a good path. Let life do the rest. Be easy on yourself, even with your so called “failures”. If you can’t find the positive in a situation, you simply long for some drama or melancholy, which is okay, just don’t attach yourself to it as a belief. There’s no wrong in letting go for a little while when things become overwhelming. Usually, we can still send off a few resumes a day, even when we let go.

Always continue doing things to achieve your goals and always remember to filter out with activities that aren’t connected to the race for achievements. Those airing activities will eventually bring the energy that you need to move on and reaching your goals. There is a bigger picture. Time is not something you can always dictate, but you can use it on your side.