Long Live The Difference

In the beginning there was peace and quiet. Then came G-d and created the world and it all turned into one big pile of mess. “It’s only my heart that was broken” said the Dire Straits. What does one hold on to when results don't show, and the city turns into a tower of cards built on social programing. Joblessness takes a high toll and sadness easily becomes a fake shield. Once again you’re left hanging, empty and defenseless. Right.

Here’s a pickle: my sole sanctuary is - well, lucky me - my folks’ house. That’s too much to bear for a 30 year old who left home when he was 18. It reminds me that my strengths are also my weaknesses, and lately I’ve got to realize a personal case of Verbal Diarrhea. Usually it’s a wonderful thing. It makes me into a leader and an opinionating person. But now, on the one hand I have verbal diarrhea, and on the other hand verbal constipation, since s#$%t doesn’t go by the latest plan. Great.  

In the beginning there was a homeland. The only country you know. I’ve always wished for peace of mind in this country. Just quiet. Politics is too much for me to bother about and People are people and they Love each other. At least the sane ones, who are the majority. In the beginning I wished to be somewhere else or something else, away from all that noise. Now I wish the opposite. Now I wish to integrate and to Love the noise. Social Commitment you may call it. To stand in the eye of the storm, stronger than ever, letting nothing effect you. Easier said than done.

In Canada I could cut myself a slack and keep only one eye on the ball. Since I didn’t grow up in the local culture, I didn’t feel obliged to be “like them”. The integration was different. Even though I grew up in Israel, my ways will always be different than the average Israeli Joesef. Here people care who you are and what your personal choices may be. There, they don’t. Here everyone shares one faith, so it’s believed, but the way it’s reflected is rude if it gives no peace of mind. It makes me feel I should be like “them”, yet something’s holding me back. Was I destined to be an outsider forever?

In Canada I didn’t have family around, or any cultural intrusions for that matter, and it made me bloom. In the mess I found simple order. “They” took me as a cool “stranger”. I could slowly and quietly take my head out of the shell, sniff around and play with the rabbits. Once in a while I even pulled up an act as if I am a rabbit, and not actually a turtle. I was free of pressure and it created faith. I don’t mean religion, I mean faith. I knew things will be alright, and every time I ran out of solutions, a new solution came.

In the beginning there was peace and quiet. Now there’s a mess. Once I get a job here, I wonder how the switch will feel like.

Approval Highway

When life stays on track, swift and smooth, we often put the obvious aside. This blog is about the integration in a new-old country so it sometimes explores the obvious, from a different perspective. If this is your first visit I encourage you to shift into reverse and read an article from a month or two back. You’ll see an interesting arc during a critical turning point in a person’s life.

Approval is a blessing we often take for granted. Oblivious to our flock nature, we feel lucky to be individuals. We’re all lucky one way or another, but social support makes us feel a heck of a lot luckier and gives expression to the individual in each one of us. When approval remains unseen, patience is the name of the game. Patience; don’t burn yourself out. And your mind is restless and you feel like you’ve just had it; again. Patience.

The more you’re being pushed over to the curb in the job-market highway, the more you lose grasp of gratitude and freedom. Sad but true. You can cruise a 160mph, positive as a witch on the highway to hell, but until you’re approved to pull off on the next exit, you’re a loose screw with one goal in mind and one goal alone: to dock in a new office and to be the awesomest worker ever. And other aspects in life feel the engine heating up.

During this two month ghost ride down the road to success, I’ve become more lonely than I’ve ever been. Approval goes a long way. Her ugly sister, disapproval, sinks deep and tries to play with my mind. Am I doing things right? Do the routines I choose really keep me on my game? What more can I do to bring results faster? Engine coughs and I find myself running on empty with no gas station in sight, given to the mercy of others.

Results do come, but do they matter? Until I dock down in that awaited parking spot, I keep on racing. I put out more writing material than ever, send emails, improve strategies. I think that I’m beginning to see the light, but only the results will say if it’s not just another temporary high. Like the nice woman in the Ministry of Absorption Office asked me this week when she saw me smiling: “Good news?” and I said: “Good people and good meetings. Good news will be when I stop seeing you.”

Honest Response

Do you really want to know what it’s like to move back to Israel after 6 years in the West Coast of North America? I couldn’t tell you because you see, for me, over there was heaven, but that’s an individual thing. The fact is that it takes a whole lotta guts to break free and start from scratch with nothing but holes in your pockets (and sometimes in your socks), and I was lucky enough to go through this experience four times since 2006.

There are voices in my head too harsh in respond to all that endless worldwide rambling. Probably because I Loved like crazy to live in the lands of dreams, even when it involved low status I wouldn’t take anywhere else. It’s a Gold Rush, an emigration people have always made. In the New World everything felt worthwhile; a chance to make something different out of the life that was sentenced for you from birth.

The Red Hot Chilly Peppers put it nicely: “These smiling eyes are just a mirror for the sun”. I was in a place where I’d pay anything to arrange my situation, and I did, with gazillion debts. I would take the silliest jobs, and I did, throwing myself back to the age of 16, working my hacks off as a barista, and at the same time building up my film career. It seemed logical – barista was the only way I could get a Canadian sponsorship.

Looking back, perhaps the reason my time forcibly ended was that the sacrifices I was willing to make were too much, and let that be a lesson for the generations. Realistically, for a long time after school I had to compromise on the most available non-professional jobs, just to make ends meet. And I am grateful for not having a rich dad who could send me money, so I must be a self-made man.

Why did I want to do other things but my true nature and one and only line of business?

Starting life in a new country is a world of opportunities that can make you deaf, dumb and blind. You would eat crap and it would taste like caviar. You would compromise to un-measurable extents, hurt yourself and give up friends and family, and you won’t see it till it’s too late. You would go through ten times the bureaucracy, pay numerously, say thank you and call it a win when you get papers to live on that new piece of land in the same old world. You would agree to compromise on everything and feel you’re on the top of the world.

And now, if I’ve learnt anything, I should actualize my dream and not compromise, because that’s the only option the world lets me be. And I feel grateful for developing this mental map; this model of reality. Starting from scratch in a new place forces you to learn and experience new things every day so your mind becomes stimulated like a child’s. I developed this quality and am now carrying it in my tool box anywhere I go. I earned an opportunity for a new reincarnation in the very same lifetime, and that is, a dream.

In The Valleys

Change stood in a corner, dangling and laughing like a drunken pink dragon. Hope seemed very logical for Change, an inseparable part of his nature. Hope and Change became one, and I calmly put Hope aside for a moment, after she became such a heavy burden to keep on carrying. Change knows.

Days spent amongst sweet folks and beautiful friends, yet something isn’t right. An inner voice keeps on reminding me of the job-hunt ticking clock and it makes me feel lonely and disapproved of, Hoping to wake up on a soft pillow, aired by new winds.

If you follow my posts you can see a Change in this article compared to the characterizing optimism in this blog. Stability vs. Self-Actualization. Hope is around, but I’m not being too hard on her after pink-dragon-Change has been firing shitballs from under his tail, hitting our faces, for so long, so hard. Hold on, Change has something to say.

All these stories about burden and time and pink dragons do not contradict persistency and positivity and Love. Shedding light over dark corners doesn’t mean a person went bananas and checked into a room of pain. The search and the breading of Hope is infinite, and even in the darkest corners we can always see her beauty.

Last week I had a few very good developments which nearly overwhelmed me. When something big we worked on extensively eventually comes together, it can be shocking. Naturally, a slowdown and deeper observation are a positive reaction to recollect energies and deal with the new tests in life. 

I wonder what this week’s gonna bring.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, or make tahini, or just stay friggen hungry with Change & Hope and a mix of irony, and remember who you are and that somewhere Happiness lurks. Or at least pieces of Happiness, Hoping to be picked up for a Change.

A Touch From the Past

Reading my friend’s weekly Hebrew blog from good ol’ VanCity reminded me a reality long forgotten. Seven weeks in the Holy Land, and who’s counting. The weariness of 5 hours night sleep; body and soul crave some melancholy, cheap reaction I don’t intend to embrace. Hopefully. 

Last week’s haze was not seen by these eyes for quite a long time. An Israeli dust cloud. The grey cloudy days in Vancouver were wet with mildew and thick air smelling like virgin forests; green and brown. Here it is yellow, and danger always lurks behind a screen of loneliness no one can ditch. No one can ditch.

Job hunt is a rocky, curved road built on varied experiences that one could interpret either way. Most meetings remind you of your lackings, whatever excuse the interviewer chooses to point out. It’s a road you never know the end of. It goes: no, no, no… Yes! With a lot to look up for on the other side.

People find jobs all the time. A positive answer is felt in your bones before you even get it. You know success is coming. You know it prowls around like a lion in the wild savannas. It’s a strong feeling you should always keep on the plate. Melancholy is a desire out of choice, while results are a desire to choose out of.

Resolute choices and desire results. And Goodluck.

Sunny Saturday Morning

The streets that you were brought up in are empty. Mid February Israeli heat. The air smells rich. It is quiet. If during weekdays there are few cars that pass by these streets, on Shabbat it’s a blooming ghost-town. Now, it’s not a small town where I live. No sir, it’s a vital suburb 20 minutes north of Tel Aviv. Most of the population is secular, which means people go out and kick ass. Yet the streets are empty and the wind is easy and the skies are light-colored and calm.

The main traffic lines are alive; each family takes their own journey for some weekend quality time. You walk the streets and pass by a few content folks wearing yarmulkes, walking home from shul or taking a stroll with the kids in the park. No TV or cellphones for those who keep the Shabbos. I don’t worry myself with modern life today either. Just letting things be. Six more days to deal and to work. Now, let rest your soul and see what gives when doing nothing.

Only one day a week the world feels so relaxed here. One day a week a door is opened for some space. Take it or leave it. Try it or don’t. Whatever you choose, don’t judge those who choose differ. Every person possesses a take on the world that’s a bit different. Resistance erodes; forgiveness revives. Or in Lennon McCartney’s words: “Happiness is a warm gun”. Got a quarrel, it’s yours to keep. I’ll keep walking on sunny side, “always on the sunny side”.

In a reality where almost every soul is forced to face death at 18, and where once in 7 years a neighbor steps to destroy you, whatever his reason may be, in a country like that you’re raised to be strong. Too strong to explain. Psychologically: if I won’t make your territory mine, you’ll make what’s mine yours. That’s the way it’s been since this country was born 67 years ago. In a reality so harsh, that the definition of happiness and free choice becomes very unique.

But where is it not unique? Every nation has their own mental and social diseases. And every person judges his own nation, and all the other nations, based on emotions maneuvered by twisted information. For generations we’re fed by media which is run by a small amount of the population. When the people focus on the positive they do not judge what’s strange to their eyes, and more positive things arise. There is a possibility to live without suffering and without pain: where challenges are taken as blessing and as a chance to grow, rather than as another hit. Imagine.

Getting Closer Each Day

Thinking is a way of doing. I think therefore I am. Don Draper (I prefer when they call him Dick, i.e. Mad Men) is always in his room thinking. Invest time in thinking and things start to happen, even though you do nothing. We all Love to think and then consult other people’s thoughts when we read, watch movies and converse.

How much do you appreciate your thoughts? One way or another, that’s how you make your living. Do you think about one subject in the job that you do or does your thinking spread over a variety of interests? Your thoughts are your tool to be unique and valuable. A decision maker. One who leads communities forward. One who inspires his dear ones to do cool stuff.

The classic 9-5 day-job often makes us think we have no time for extraordinary thoughts, but that’s not so. A short amount of time each day to think about something we Love usually takes our lives forward and always bears fruits. Sometimes the fruits are actualized to the material world; sometimes they just seem to enrich our inner world, but actually change our lives in the long-run.

Keeping balance between our personal life and our thinking life is important. I, for example, don’t keep that balance because I don’t have a family to support. Everything in its right time, and right now is time for me to get a job!

Statistic in Israel show that the average time to find a job is 4 months. Are they nuts? If 4 months is the time at stake, putting the same amount of hours into 2 months shouldn’t be out in the wild. News will be coming in soon on the progress. Only good news!

Stay On The Ball

Went out to the wild and received a splash of Mediterranean Sea foam all over my face. Recent rain showers and heavy yellow mist are almost making it feel like winter again, but it’s not cold. I’ll quote Toby Keith and ask the wind: “Don’t leave, I think I Love you!” While everyone is wearing pompom-hats, thick coats and sweaters, 3 years in Vancouver have made it seem not so wet.

While sitting in cafés looking for jobs on the laptop, too many things distract my mind. Just like anything else, the job hunt is a stay-on-the-ball game. If you don’t keep the energies flowing and if you don’t keep on going, it’s hard to stay sharp with all the white noise around. It’s important to make a strong and open initial impression when the right opportunities do come, but you must fight tooth and nail to get them.

Then you realize two more weeks have passed and even though you’ve been constantly doing something, no progress has come. I thought this easiness is called the “comfort zone”, but I know I can’t sink into this territory again. Enough self-improvement has made a doer out of me and thankfully there’s no way back. But since results are being delayed and I’m being impatient, some mild melancholy is trying to sneak in after a long time it’s been kept away; a natural part of the job hunt process.

Sadness is one of the oldest distractions that can turn your life around. Somehow, at its purest forms it brings out the strongest feelings in us. Perhaps they feel so strong because they’re obviously destined to end. To leave a mark and to bring change, and to stay young in body and mind till you’re old. Happily, my iPod can remind me where I’m from.

Framed Location

I spend all my time in Tel Aviv these days. Meeting people, writing, just mingling; in person and online. The second that I get on the bus back home, I miss this city. It’s hard to get enough of her intoxicating magic once you’re in the fray but living outside. I’ve always loved her. This time, it comes with a different twist. In life, every phase has its own magic. Places keep theirs much longer.

Last weekend’s edition of Yediot Aharonot had an article about a “future scientist” who is pioneering in social predictions who says that a decade in a country’s life equals one year in a person’s life. Our progression as a society is ten times slower than our personal growth.

During my travelling there was a funny phenomenon that I saw everywhere: intelligent folks usually critique quite negatively the places they come from, while the less intellectual ones usually Love their home-land more than anything and often don’t ever want to leave.

It’s important to do something you Love for a living, to be fully grateful. Making a few bucks out of it is nice too, to focus on the postive regardless of environmental influences, to look into bleakness and see growth. That’s what we do and we can only recommend to everyone to do the same, because it really doesn’t take much.

You can miss and Love a place at the same time. It’s sometime hard to notice it before completing a few circles of utter environmental change, this includes changing the people around you. Unfortunately, there are many who seek change but never will experience it because of past habits and people who hold them back.

Vancouver is dark this time of year even during daytime. Some places celebrate life right now, and you can lay naked on an empty beach and go kayaking under the full-moon. I came to Israel to enjoy an out of the box connection with this colorful intense piece of earth that most of humanity tags “holy”.