Near Death Experience

No need to be over dramatic. I was sick last week. Sicker than a dog actually. I have no recollection of being so sick for at least a decade or two. In fact, the last 3 years of practicing yoga on a daily basis kept me healthy as a bull. So what happened?

Last Friday was relentlessly hazy. I was in the TLV Farmers’ Market and by the end of the day had a slight sting at the top of my lungs. Nothing a glass of vodka couldn’t fix. The following day I passed out and couldn’t get out of bed for 3 more days. Hosting an alien predator in my system, I observed it growling through my system… yummy.

When the crash was finally gone, the toxin cleansing began. For two nights I couldn’t sleep, experiencing the most agonizing muscle cramps, and my nervous system was in hysterics. Ahh… sleepless nights drenched with terrorized howls and shivers, so romantic. Who knows what the neighbors thought was happening in my bedroom during that full moon!
 

As the sickness receded I realized that my mind is out of control. Voices that haven’t frequented me ever since the last time I was that sick (a decade or two ago!) reigned upon me like wild hawks! The most un-soothing fact became clear - all these voices were constantly responding to a variety of negative, aggressively intruding, suffering remarks, which I hear all day outside my window. You have no idea how these voices made me miss Canada. But all this missing was just wasted thought.

In the blue collar suburb where I live for the past 7 months, I see mostly painful faces of compromising simplicity. Many people are nice, but I see no evolution. And no one knows. Not even those who aren’t a part of this obnoxiously simple-minded lifestyle. I am the one who’s in a bubble. They are normal.

Can you for just one moment try to imagine a clean slate: a reality where the vast majority of people actually make an effort to not make others uncomfortable? Where people talk politely and give way to each other as a rule? When I lived in Canada, my dominant thought was – how sweet people can be – can you imagine how healthy that is? Now, go back to the suburban reality I described earlier and tell me what is normal.

Outside my window, I see parents dropping their kids off at kindergarten each day, content. The parents are about my age but they look a decade older. Is that the dream coming true, of building a home for the Chosen People in the Holy Land? Most people I see look like they operate by a destructive program no one ever questions. Good for them. Some things are better left un-questioned, eh?

We all live inside a bubble, no matter where we live. But once in a while it's recommended to measure what this bubble does to you and to your environment. Know what, in addition to all the religious holidays that thicken self-righteousness, why not start up a new holiday that questions the bubble? That says – we’re probably not all that right! Can we re-invent ourselves as a people? As individuals? As the whole of mankind?

Even if one can’t imagine a reality different than what he was brought up to believe is true, even if one can’t wish for anything better than what’s around him, for god’s sake please stop penetrating every green spot with your wool-gathering bullying! I know that life in North America is not all sweet and beautiful, but as long as people don’t act, sound and look like trolls, they pass in my book.

But then, then I realized what got me sick – it wasn’t the city or the country – it’s the fact that ever since I moved into this suburban town, there wasn’t even one new and exciting addition into my life! I’m mentally crumbling and it's emptying the guts out of my crying soul.

Starting next week, I’m joining meetup groups and looking into the local music scene. I’ll keep you updated. Besides, during those days of sickness I found myself missing some very few, very special people. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, you genius, beautiful, unique, sticky buds who became such good friends of mine throughout the years. It’s not easy to stay in touch when everyone’s so far away.

And you, dear readers, until the next time – keep it hanging the right way, eh?

The Domino Effect

You know how sometimes one action leads to a whole chain of unrelated events? Well, I’m beginning to see the light again, and it all started by taking the one action I tried most to avoid – taking a part-time day job at a small neighborhood café, which I hated.

The first step, which was handing out service-industry resumes was the hardest. Excuse me, in fact, starting to work for minimum wage in a place I didn’t feel one bit of affinity towards, that was the hardest. For more than a month I was clinically depressed. Then, the dominoes began to fall.

After a few weeks in the café I could fake a smile again. I put a complete halt on sending out professional resumes for writing-industry jobs. During the past year I wasn’t making enough for my basic survival needs, and I needed a change of tactics.

A friend connected me to a guy who makes passion-fruit liqueur in a farm up north. It turned out to be a delicious, award-winning drink! I started setting up a booth in farmers’ markets and country fairs one or two days a week, and to sell his liqueur. Without any boss to answer to, yapping with people who are on their day out, it turned out to be a lot of fun and highly profitable!

As much as I hated working in the café, I kept both jobs for a few more weeks. I had responsibilities – bills, expenses, student loans, you name it. Then one morning, the café manager lost his temper. It didn’t aggravate me, but I saw an opportunity and took it. I walked through that door and never looked back.

Working two days a week in that passion-fruit liqueur booth, left me plenty of time to work on my short stories and screenplays, to do yoga, to run errands etc. Just as I lost all hope for making a living out of writing, at least till I can sell a book or some Hollywood hit, just as I began acknowledging the liberating sensation only money can bring to those who truly need it, something wonderful happened.

My booth had a spot in a prestigious wine exhibition, abundant with media and culinary writers. I printed out business cards – a step I kept postponing for a whole year! – and did some networking. A writer I met forwarded my info to a director. After another week or two, business came in! I was hired to write a high-end orientation video!

In the wine exhibition I also felt open enough to ask for girls’ phone numbers again, after 2 months of literally keeping women “safe” from my depressing presence. You know those times you feel too down to talk to anyone? Well, this small step of asking a few girls for their phone number was a life changing event.

One thing leads to another. The domino effect. Taking the first step for the sake of survival, the second for the sake of living, and getting much further than you could originally see. Going through a wall of self-doubts, breaking through on the other side, a new, stronger person.

Meanwhile, I got another gig! Writing the content for a new website – the passion-fruit liqueur website!

I’m beginning to see the light again. In a couple of months my life will finally get on the track I’ve been longing for so dearly for so long. I already brought the subject up with a friend - moving into a TLV apartment. The friend is a 2D animator who will make a wonderful roommate and probably be in collaborating on some work too.

As one thing leads to another, I find myself going with the current again. And finally, in the direction I wish to go.