Long Live The Difference

In the beginning there was peace and quiet. Then came G-d and created the world and it all turned into one big pile of mess. “It’s only my heart that was broken” said the Dire Straits. What does one hold on to when results don't show, and the city turns into a tower of cards built on social programing. Joblessness takes a high toll and sadness easily becomes a fake shield. Once again you’re left hanging, empty and defenseless. Right.

Here’s a pickle: my sole sanctuary is - well, lucky me - my folks’ house. That’s too much to bear for a 30 year old who left home when he was 18. It reminds me that my strengths are also my weaknesses, and lately I’ve got to realize a personal case of Verbal Diarrhea. Usually it’s a wonderful thing. It makes me into a leader and an opinionating person. But now, on the one hand I have verbal diarrhea, and on the other hand verbal constipation, since s#$%t doesn’t go by the latest plan. Great.  

In the beginning there was a homeland. The only country you know. I’ve always wished for peace of mind in this country. Just quiet. Politics is too much for me to bother about and People are people and they Love each other. At least the sane ones, who are the majority. In the beginning I wished to be somewhere else or something else, away from all that noise. Now I wish the opposite. Now I wish to integrate and to Love the noise. Social Commitment you may call it. To stand in the eye of the storm, stronger than ever, letting nothing effect you. Easier said than done.

In Canada I could cut myself a slack and keep only one eye on the ball. Since I didn’t grow up in the local culture, I didn’t feel obliged to be “like them”. The integration was different. Even though I grew up in Israel, my ways will always be different than the average Israeli Joesef. Here people care who you are and what your personal choices may be. There, they don’t. Here everyone shares one faith, so it’s believed, but the way it’s reflected is rude if it gives no peace of mind. It makes me feel I should be like “them”, yet something’s holding me back. Was I destined to be an outsider forever?

In Canada I didn’t have family around, or any cultural intrusions for that matter, and it made me bloom. In the mess I found simple order. “They” took me as a cool “stranger”. I could slowly and quietly take my head out of the shell, sniff around and play with the rabbits. Once in a while I even pulled up an act as if I am a rabbit, and not actually a turtle. I was free of pressure and it created faith. I don’t mean religion, I mean faith. I knew things will be alright, and every time I ran out of solutions, a new solution came.

In the beginning there was peace and quiet. Now there’s a mess. Once I get a job here, I wonder how the switch will feel like.